The guys dressed in white and black are some pretty big cliches if you ask me.
Hey I really haven'yt seen many westerns but i was writing a shootout scene so um could u tell me wat u think and igf it's a steaming pile of crap please tell me! it still needs work and sory about the MATRIX STYLE thing bu ti couldn't think of a better way to describe it thanx.
EXT. OLD WESTERN TOWN - DAY / HIGH NOON
RIGHT / CRAB SHOT - C/U - THE LONE GUNNER'S pair of black cowboy boots walk at a leisurely pace down an old dirt road. They are clad with bright silver spurs.
CUT TO:
50? TILT - DOLLY OUT - A man clad in almost all black strides toward the camera. Both hands ready at sides.
CUT TO:
LS - The two men walk slowly closer to each other. The Lone Gunner walks at a more leisurely pace and seems much more relaxed. While the MAN IN BLACK seems very edgy and tense. The Lone Gunner is wearing a WHITE HANDKERCHIEF around his mouth and guns are visible all over him. the Man in Black is pretty much COMPLETELY CLAD IN BLACK.
CUT TO:
Much shooting and killing.
CUT TO:
MS - The Lone Gunner and two men remain one is on a perch at the very top of a building just behind The Lone Gunner. The other right in front of the him. The Lone Gunner with two sawed off double barreled shot guns shoots the man in front of him twice then puts his other shotgun pointed up over his right shoulder and shoots twice with a small delay.
CUT TO:
C/U - The dirt ground. A revolver falls and a second or less later a body.
CUT TO:
CRAB SHOT - Six men with revolvers perch in a house with old six shooter revolvers.
CUT TO:
The Lone Gunner with the white handkerchief wrapped around his face drops his two shotguns, and dressed in full cowboy garb looks around the nearly barren streets. Several dead bodies litter the streets and the blood paints the buildings.
CUT TO:
C/U - The six men turn from their hiding places and shoot. Multiple shots of six shooter's shooting in MATRIX STYLE slow motion the bullets inch from the barrels of their owner's guns.
CUT TO:
MS - The Lone Gunner faces the camera as the bullet's slowly inch toward his back. As they get closer and closer almost a forth of the way to hitting him he turns quickly pulling out a completely silver (BLINDING LIGHT) 6 shooter and unloads his gun toward the windows that the Six gunners perch each bullet hitting on target in the middle of their foreheads his bullets going 5 times as fast as theirs.
CUT TO:
LS - The Lone Gunner gets riddled with bullets as soon as the slow motion effect stops. he falls to the ground soiling it with his blood. Soon after hitting the ground a cloud of dust and dirt forms around him and when it settles he is gone. All that remains is his silver revolver and spatters & puddles of blood.
CUT TO BLACK:
The guys dressed in white and black are some pretty big cliches if you ask me.
the white scarf is the only part that's gonna be white on the one guy and beyond that wat do u think?
A scarf? Does your scene take place in winter? The guy in black is cool as long as its not leather (too much leather now days) and make sure its been dusted up a lot. As for the white clad guy, I'd make his wear, not so much white as pale dusty colors, maybe a poncho as a tribute to sergio leone. Other than that, it look all good in the gang. We need a some good westerns. Not that "The Missing" crap. That movie was a piece of shit.
Thanx for the inpute and I ment a handkerchief.
that makes more sense. lol
Some comments:
When showing the script to others dont include camera directions, at least not as much as you have.
I liked how you DIDN'T use any dialogue.
You're using way too many CUT TOs. Read some scripts check their format.
Think about the pacing. It could be written a lot slicker. You don't need to mention the characters name in every second line.
Take out "the matrix thing." Anyone who reads that is just going to groan. Do not put cheap-o matrix effects in a western if you can think of something else.
Watch a few good westerns. It'll help you understand the genre better when you're trying to write.
Agree with Generic Skinhead on the points of format- lose the cut to's as there's no point in them and avoid repetition.
Plus script 'humour' such as the following:
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">... lose it.the Man in Black is pretty much COMPLETELY CLAD IN BLACK.
One thing that struck me was the amazing amount of over-description, about what colour boots people are wearing and even adding in how many degrees the camera will tilt- and then this is a shot description:
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">That's where description should come in!CUT TO:
Much shooting and killing.
sorry 'bout the layout but i've never really made anything in script format before. What do i do to replace the CUT TO:'s and sorry about the matrix style and the much shooting and killing i'm still writing that part. Thanx for the input and if u have something on the layout tell me an alternative cause i know nothing.
In answer to what to replace CUT TO's with; nothing. In a script camera direction is unecessary. You are the writer- not the director. [Even if you are Writer/Director then still leave them out].
Also avoid writing 'We see...' or 'We hear...' in action description.
Basic script layout:
[SCENE HEADING] INT./EXT. BAR- DAY/NIGHT
[Action description] A dark, dingy smoke filled bar filled with many contributors of the Exposure forum drink heavily. UNTAMED AGGRESSION downs a glass of Babycham and turns to BELOVED MONSTER, releasing a belch.
<center>BELOVED MONSTER
You smelly bastard!</center>
<center>UNTAMED AGGRESSION
Better out than in though, you know how...</center>
<center>BELOVED MONSTER
(Interupts)
Just shut the fuck up!</center>
Beloved Monster picks up his drink, stands and farts in Untamed Aggressions face before walking off with a smile on his face. NIGEL appears from the male toilets.
<center>NIGEL
Right, you're both BARRED! Hard luck!</center>
(I think this story has potential! [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img] )
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 22, 2003 06:55 AM: Message edited by: Kev Owens ]</font>
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